


again

by thefullergirl



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Holding Hands, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pining, kind of, meeting up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27686753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefullergirl/pseuds/thefullergirl
Summary: Renjun leads the way. This is a place he’ll never forget, no matter how long he’s been gone.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	again

**Author's Note:**

> my everything wrecked me and i promised i'd write smth for it
> 
> also! i think this is the first time i've actually written noren?

The bus stop is surprisingly empty today. Jeno cradles the bag of fresh pastries in his lap, pressing his lips into a line as he looks around.

Granted, it was an odd time. Not exactly rush hour, and not a completely dead hour either. The streetlamps in this part of the city are bright, and Jeno has the urge to burrow into his jacket a little more. He’s going to need to wait here for a while. 

A part of him does its best to push down any rising nervousness. He really shouldn’t be nervous. Today is one of those that were planned over a series of chat messages and calls so long ago, and he’s had ample time to prepare for it. Besides, it’s not like he was going to do anything that outrageous. It was just a simple catch-up date.

Soon enough, he sees a familiar form on the other side of the street. Renjun seems to squint to confirm that it’s him before he raises a hand to wave. Jeno waves back, trying to not show that he’s failing at being natural about this whole thing.

A few steps away, Jeno can already see the beginnings of a smile peeking out of Renjun’s scarf. He stands up, nearly dropping the bag of pastries but catching them in time. Renjun’s giggles are soft as he helps Jeno regain composure.

“You alright there?” he asks, hands coming up to steady him. Jeno feels like that made his knees wobble a little more.

Nodding, he hugs the bag to his chest, letting the warmth sink through layers of clothing. “Yeah, of course. Hi, Renjun.”

The streetlights only serve to make Renjun’s smile brighter. “Hi, Jeno.”

Their bus comes at just the right moment. Renjun easily rests a hand on the crook of Jeno’s elbow, squeezing a little as they climb into the bus.

Jeno lets him claim the window seat, his parka rustling as he settles down. The bus starts moving when Jeno’s barely in his seat, and Renjun holds an arm out to make sure he doesn’t get thrown into the next seat. It’s a little of a tight squeeze on this bus, but it’s not like either of them mind.

Before they say anything, Jeno offers the bag to him. Renjun takes it and peers inside, face breaking out into a grin.

“You remembered,” he marvels, pulling out a sugary doughnut.

“Yeah. The people at the bakery were so happy to see me again.”

Around a mouthful of dough, Renjun asks, “Why, don’t you go there? I thought you liked the bread there.”

He only shakes his head and takes a doughnut so that he doesn’t have to talk. Renjun looks at him curiously for a few moments, but just shrugs and looks out the window at all the passing buildings.

Jeno doesn’t tell him that he’s had a little trouble going back to the bakery. He could have, of course, but it just didn’t feel right. For a while, he’d wondered when it would feel right to visit again and buy these very same doughnuts.

“You’re so quiet,” Renjun says, bumping shoulders with him. He’s already reaching a second time into the bag. “What’s up, Jeno?”

“Sorry, I’m just… a bit tired from work.” He offers a powdered sugar smile. “You know how it gets.”

Humming, Renjun raises his pointer finger. “Oh yeah! I know you’ve already told me about what goes on at your job, but really, how’s everything? Doyoung-hyung treating you well?”

“Yeah, he’s as good as bosses go.” Jeno sinks into his seat, momentarily listening to the song playing over the speakers. “It’s just really busy right now, so everyone’s a little on edge.”

For a few beats, Renjun doesn’t say anything, just examines him closely. Once upon a time, Renjun could tell whenever Jeno was hiding something from him. It’s been rather long since the last time he attempted it, so Jeno wonders if he could still do it.

If he could, Jeno wonders what he sees. Is there anything past the exhaustion, past the way that Jeno took extra care to dress himself in warm, soft clothes today? Can Renjun still see everything he’s pushed down so far that he’s not even sure if he can get them back out?

“I’m okay, I promise,” he says, just so that Renjun will have some sort of reassurance.

Reaching over, Renjun squeezes his arm. “Alright.” He sounds like he doesn’t quite believe what Jeno told him, but that he’s at least settling.

Thankfully, Renjun has always been good at changing topics seamlessly. He launches into a discussion about his cousin’s wedding which happened rather recently and how Renjun had to go to so many suit shops to get the perfect one for it. It’s easy to settle into his seat for the rest of the ride and listen to Renjun talk.

Their destination is rather far, so they have time. Each second bleeds into the lights that whir past them, and their bus remains mostly empty. It’s a tiny pocket of peace, and Jeno barely remembers the last time they shared something like that.

Going back to his hometown has done Renjun good. There’s a glow to him that isn’t quite achievable in the gray of Seoul, and even in the relative darkness of the bus, he could probably illuminate a city of his own. He seems so much more alive, as if being awake for more than a whole day doesn’t even bother him in the slightest.

Renjun looks happier. He smiles like he isn’t in his mid-twenties navigating life, he talks excitedly about everything like they’re all completely new to him, he looks out the window at the places they pass like he’s exploring this territory for the very first time. Which, honestly, is all Jeno wants. Happy looks great on Renjun, that fact is incontestable.

He almost doesn’t want this trip to end. They’re going somewhere special, of course, but this is nice. Jeno had read that somewhere, that the journey was sometimes more worth it than the destination or something like that. It sure felt like it could be applied here, with how he’s not even checking to see where they are at this point.

They do reach their stop, the doughnuts long gone and Renjun’s hand gravitating to his elbow again. Hopping off the bus, Jeno can’t help but giggle when Renjun does, the bite of the autumn wind stinging their cheeks. 

Renjun leads the way. This is a place he’ll never forget, no matter how long he’s been gone.

“Hasn’t changed much, huh?” Renjun says, his hand strong in Jeno’s. “I guess it’ll always be like this.”

The swing set is a little more creaky then the last time they were here, but that’s the only thing that’s different. They certainly don’t fit very well onto the swings anymore, but they still try.

Jeno pushes himself gently. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Shrugging, Renjun trails his gaze upwards to the starless sky. “Change is good. We shouldn’t be afraid of something not being quite how it was.”

He breathes in, but it feels caught in his chest. “Yeah?”

“Of course,” Renjun answers, and he’s more sure than Jeno’s ever heard of him. “If we don’t change, nothing happens. We won’t be able to move forward.”

With a nod, Jeno averts his gaze to his feet. The pebbles shift under him. Renjun’s right, as he often is. There is nothing without change.

They’ve both changed, that’s for sure. Nothing about them is quite the same as it was on that balmy summer day when Renjun’s fingers slipped away from his and he boarded that plane going to China. They’re older now, maybe not all that wiser, weathered by their all-too-ordinary lives. Renjun is no longer the starry-eyed boy that kissed Jeno with all the light in the world, and Jeno is no longer his.

But here, with the metal of the swing set icy under their palms and their eyes looking for something impossible in the clear night sky, it feels like maybe some things are still the same.

“Won’t you ask me if I’ve dated?” Renjun chides, looking forward at the little sandbox just beyond the swings.

Jeno hooks his fingers into the chains of the swing. He’d been meaning to, honest, but he wanted to just savor their quiet for a little more that he forgot to ask.

“Junnie, have you dated?”

When he turns to face him, Renjun has a sad smile tilting the corners of his mouth up. “No, I haven’t. If Donghyuck knew, he’d give me one of those looks.” He chuckles.

Jeno pushes himself again so that he swings a bit. “He would, and he’d ask you why.”

Snorting, Renjun shakes his head. “Of course he would. Unfortunately, I don’t really have an answer.”

Renjun was there for three years. It’s up to him whether he’d date or not, of course, but Jeno still thinks it’s a little odd for him not to have dated at all. 

“Did you… just not feel like it?” he can’t help but ask. It’s suddenly even colder now, and he regrets not having dressed warmer than he already is. 

With a shrug, Renjun pushes himself too, a bit further than what Jeno does. “I met a lot of great people there, but I don’t know. I just didn’t want to do it then. I was alright with just me, my friends, my family. That was enough, really.”

If Jeno were to think about it, that’s what he did too. He didn’t actually look for companionship in the romantic sense in that time either. It was easy to get lost in work and all the other things he still has to mind. There wasn’t really space for dating.

Still, a part of him holds onto a miniscule shard of hope. It cuts into him, and he’s sure that he’s bleeding, but he wants to keep it there. 

A little foolish to hope for, maybe. After all, why would Renjun hold off on dating because of him? It’s not like he would come back here for him.

Jeno looks at him. He didn’t think it was possible to think that he’s even more in love with this Renjun now, sharper-edged and so much more perceptive, but well. Things happen, right?

But again, this Renjun isn’t for him. This Renjun is for someone who can make sure that he’s this happy for the rest of time. Jeno can’t quite guarantee that, but he would’ve tried. Given the chance.

“How about now? Will you try to date now?” he asks, even if he’s not sure he’d actually like the answer.

Renjun smiles a little wider. “Maybe. We’ll see. I still have to settle back in, so a lot of adjustment still.”

Reaching over, Jeno pats his knee. “You’ll get through that pretty easily, because you’re you.”

It makes Renjun chuckle. “Help me with it? I need to relearn this place again.”

Jeno fights down the warm feeling rising in him. “Of course.”  _ Of course. _

The toe of Renjun’s boot nudges at his ankle. “And you? Tell me that I can chat up your boyfriend over some milk tea.”

He looks away, shaking his head. “Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not dating right now either.”

“Why?” his voice is quiet, almost lost in the drone of the crickets.

Why, indeed? Jeno didn’t really have time or the willpower to think about it. No space in his life for it, yeah, but surely, it wouldn’t have hurt to try it? 

He feels Renjun brush his knuckles against his, that habit of his to bring Jeno back to him. It doesn’t end in him slipping his fingers through the spaces of Jeno’s. Another change, one that Jeno doesn’t feel should be welcomed.

It’s happened, anyways.

“Busy,” he answers, offering a small smile. “Sometimes I don’t register that there’s no one else in my apartment.”

Even without looking, he knows Renjun has tilted his head at him. Considering, examining. Whatever it is that Huang Renjun does.

There’s another brush of knuckles. Jeno tries not to follow the movement with his gaze. “Do you miss that?”

_ Do you miss me?  _ is what Jeno hears under that. Renjun would probably never ask that directly, even though he wanted to.

Does he miss Renjun? A bit hard to miss someone who’s right here with him right now, honestly. Renjun is an arm’s length away, in a fluffy parka with his hair mussed by the wind. He’s not starry eyed anymore, but something still sparkles there.

The touch against his own hand is so slight, very barely there, and he doesn’t know if he should be disappointed by it. He thinks it might just be a force of habit, but Renjun’s holding back on the second half of that habit.

Does he miss Renjun? Sometimes, he makes dinner for two, because he’s tired from his day and he can really barely think anymore. Sometimes, he stares at his messages, knowing full well that he can just call Renjun, but he doesn’t. Most of the time, he buys the laundry detergent that Renjun prefers. A lot of times, he leaves space on his bed, enough for someone who wasn’t coming home.

Does he miss Renjun? Yes. Yes, he does.

“You know the answer to that.” His little whine at the end makes Renjun snort. In the next moment, though, Renjun’s expression softens.

“Miss you too,” he says, like he's been wanting to all this time. There’s no “you doof” at the end like he usually adds. 

Jeno knows he means it.

Standing up, Renjun offers a hand to him. Jeno takes it cautiously, and Renjun gives him a look like he’s asking if Jeno’s serious. Truthfully, he just doesn’t know how to handle holding Renjun’s hand again, small in his and the most comforting he’s felt in a while.

“How about we go to that 24-hour ramen place? I think I still know it,” Renjun says, tugging him along.

“Why there?” Jeno tries not to trip over the ledge of the sandbox.

When Renjun turns to him, eyes wide and bright, Jeno forgets to get oxygen into his lungs.

“That was where we had our first date, remember?” He shifts his hold, interlacing their fingers. “Might as well, right? This is the beginning of something new, whatever it is.”

Jeno feels the shard of hope grow, and he’s sure that he really is going to get hurt if he allows it to stay there. Renjun might just mean that they’ll be friends again, truly friends and not their strained excuse of communicating over all those months. It might not quite be what Jeno wants it to be.

Still, he holds Renjun’s hand and delights in the way that his smile makes him feel all of the same things. A new beginning. Jeno will definitely try for that.

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what you think about this! it's also kind of an exercise for something angstier than my usual work h
> 
> [twt](twitter.com/bundoie) | [cc](curiouscat.qa/bundoie)


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